The Universe Loves Me... Part 2

Okay, so. I said in my earlier post, TWH was out of town this week.  We usually have lunch together a couple of times a week while T hits the gym.  Since I was Lunch-dateless this week, I called my friend Lann to stand in.
At around 10 this morning, Lann calls me to tell me he had to "Run to the courthouse" (He's a Sheriff's Deputy).  An hour or so later I texted him to see how things were going. He texted me back to tell me he was gonna be a little longer than he thought.  An hour later, he's still at the courthouse. An hour after that, he's STILL at the courthouse & there's no end in sight.
By this time, I'm pretty sure my insides had begun to eat themselves.
That's when it happened.
The Universe sent me a pizza.
A Large, half-cheese, half-pepperoni, piping hot, disc of cheesey, yummy, goodness.
FOR FREE!!
So I texted my friend.
"The pizza place across the street just sent over a freebie pizza"
"I totally caved & ate some"
"The upside is, there's pizza here whenever you get done"

He finally showed up around 3 to get a haircut.  He apologized profusely & we decided to do it another day.

So now I have a lunch date with one of my favorite friends AND I got free pizza.

The universe loves me!!

Hello, I'm Bitchy McBitchypants

Okay, so. I am currently hiding in my bedroom writing this. Mainly because my laptop stays in the living room. On the coffee table. So I have no real place to write. Obviously, the Dawgs don't give a shit about whether or not I'm writing because one will merrily bite my fingers as I type and the other will just bark at me incessantly.  The Human types aren't often a whole lot better.  So I haven't been writing. And it's making me cranky.

Not to say that's the ONLY thing that's making me cranky. Since the beginning of June, I have made 2 (8 hour) trips to Austin, TX. I have pulled up floors in 2 bathrooms & repainted one of them. I have gone up to see the In-Laws. Aaaaaaaannnnnnnddddd.... We're leaving for Florida.  In between all of this I have struggled (unsuccessfully) to keep up with the house, the laundry, & various appointments.

Now, I felt a great deal of accomplishment at getting the floors & walls taken care of.

I thoroughly enjoyed my trips to Austin to visit both of our families.  We're currently looking into moving there.

I can't wait to go to Florida.  I love the beach.

I just haven't stopped much this month and it's making me tired.  Couple that with the fact that TWH is out of town (again).  Which is voluntary on his part (again).  Which means I'm doing EVERYTHING here for a few days (again).

Throw that ALL together, toss in some PMS for good measure and you've got the perfect recipe for One Cranky Mama.

I'm gonna take the first opportunity I get to sleep in my own bed on a Sunday and SLEEP IN.  I pity the fool who disturbs my slumber...

Fathers Day

Okay, so.  I struggle with Fathers Day.  I've mentioned before that my Dad was a selfish dick who pretty much only cared about himself. I talk about him in the past tense because I haven't seen him since my MeeMaw's funeral & I haven't actually spoken to him in about 6 years. I also haven't missed him. He wasn't really present when I was a kid and he's totally MIA now.  I don't know much about being "Parented" by a loving father who imparted nuggets of wisdom & helped mold me into who I have become as an adult.  I basically look at my FB feed where everyone is praising their Dads and proclaiming the love they have for them and go "Huh".

Then I have TWH.  This man is the best I could have ever asked for in a Father for my children. He is loving, compassionate, patient, thoughtful, smart, funny, and stern when he needs to be.  He is molding our children into Good People.  He makes sure Miss A knows her worth as a young woman in today's world. A world where so many young women value themselves by what others see in them.  He has taught her that brains will ALWAYS trump beauty in the long run. That any young man who truly treasures her will truly respect her. And he's instilled just enough love of all things Geek to make her cool.

He has helped TB to become the loving, funny, sweet, compassionate young man he is today.  He has fostered his love of video games, music, AND working with his hands. He is patient with this child who so often makes it difficult to be patient with and has corrected him with both kind and stern words as the case warranted.

I have TWH's Dad to thank for the man my husband is today.  His father taught him about the kind of man he should grow up to be.

I am so profoundly grateful to these two men for showing me what Fatherhood truly is. And for showing my children too.

Thank you Tommy for raising the wonderful man I was fortunate enough to marry.

Thank you Shawn for being who you are. For providing our children with a wonderful role model. For being an all around wonderful husband, friend, support system, and good sport.

I love you more than you will ever know.

The Tale of the Chicken Shit Husband

Okay, so.  Earlier this week, Wednesday-ish, a guy comes into the shop, removes his ball cap, and says with a sigh only the bone crushingly oppressed can muster "My wife is MAKING me get a buzz cut and I was told to come see you". (Talking partly to me, partly to the shop at large).

T: Your wife is MAKING you get a buzz cut??

Chicken Shit Husband: Yes. I don't WANT one but she says I'll be cooler with it when I'm working & stuff.

Me: Okay, have a seat.

I get him settled and begin asking him the obligatory questions about overall length, etc.

CSH: I don't know exactly how short she wanted it.

Me: Well...  Did she mention any numbers?? 2, 3, 4?? Anything to indicate what she wanted the end result to be??

CSH:  She mentioned some numbers but I can't remember what they were.

Me: I tell you what. We'll start out longer and work our way shorter until YOU'RE happy. How about that??

CSH: Okay.

I fire up the clipper, snap on a blade and get ready to cut.  HE LEANED AWAY FROM THE CLIPPER!!  I try again (because I'm nothing if not persistent) and he leaned away AGAIN!! What. The. Fuck?!?!

Me: Is there a problem??

CSH: I'm not sure I want to do this since I can't remember what my wife told me. I'm gonna go GET HER & bring her back here so she can just TELL you what she wants.

Me: Alrighty then. Whatever makes you more comfortable.

He leaves. Never to be heard from again.

UNTIL TODAY!!  Oh yes folks!!  HE CAME BACK!!

CSH: You remember me from earlier this week?? Yeah, well I lost the fight. I'm gonna sit here & wait for my wife. She's on her way here.

T: You're really gonna do it this time huh??

CSH: Yeah. I told her about the mix up with the numbers & she told me she'd make it easy on me & to just get a zero all over.

T: A ZERO on your WHOLE head??

CSH: Yeah.

(Note: A zero is SHORT. A zero is what most Military & Police get on the sides. The only way to get shorter is with a RAZOR)

Me: (After he sits around for about 20 minutes) Are you still wanting to wait for your wife or do you want to go ahead & get started since you have your instructions??

CSH: I guess we can get started.

I get him all situated. AGAIN.  I fire up the clipper. AGAIN.
You know where this is going.

He chickened out. AGAIN!!

CSH: You know, I think you might be able to talk to my wife better about this. Maybe she won't argue with YOU.  I'm just gonna go outside & smoke until she gets here.

Me: Of COURSE you are!!

He fled. Never to be heard from again.

Because if he comes back a third time, I'm gonna tell him to take himself, his hair, and his WIFE to fucking Supercuts.

Let THEM deal with that shit!!

Running Shorts, How I Loathe Thee

Okay, so.  I have come to hate, hate, HATE the running shorts as a style thing.

If you ARE NOT RUNNING, then WHY are you wearing RUNNING SHORTS??

If it's obvious that you DO NOT RUN, then WHY are you wearing RUNNING SHORTS??

They look stupid with your flip flops.

They look stupid with your Sperrys

They look stupid with (hand to God, I HAVE seen this) your Uggs.

Then again, Uggs make EVERYTHING look stupid.

Just go get a pair of REAL, non-elastic waistbanded, button & zipper shorts already.

Quit looking like a jackass.

Thank you,

MBM

DIY MIA

Okay, so. I decided this past weekend would be a good weekend to knock out a couple of small household renovations. Y'know, like yanking out a counter top and replacing it with tile, installing new sinks, faucets, & light fixture, along with repainting & installing shelving in two closets.

We spent the entire weekend either at the home store, outside cutting tile or getting tools & supplies out of the storeroom, locked in our bathroom, or in a closet. Every time we opened a door, the Dawgs were standing there looking at us with reproach & giving us The Guilt.  We had to keep them out mostly to keep Tigger from eating EVERYDAMNTHING. I swear that Dawg is part garbage disposal.

I began Saturday bright eyed & raring to go. Sunday I started off slow but got into the zone. By yesterday my enthusiasm was beginning to wane. By 9PM last night, while TWH was still fiddling with the plumbing for the sinks, I was almost in tears. I was tired, I was sweaty, & I was D.O.N.E.  I was about two minutes away from screaming "I don't give a shit if the fucking pipe fits!! We can get the right piece TOMORROW!! I just wanna get a shower & GO. TO. BED!!".  I managed to say that with far fewer swears & through gritted teeth.

I did learn a few things though. Yelling will ALWAYS make shit worse.  Gulping iced coffee is second only to mainlining caffeine for a buzz. A splinter under your fingernail hurts like hell, and TWH & I make one hell of a team.

We also make Awesomeness like THIS:

Yep. Worth it!!

Boy Parts vs Girl Parts

Okay, so. TWH & I were taking our evening showers. I went first & was standing at the sink taking out my contacts, etc., when this conversation occurred.

TWH: Baby, could you go grab me a pair of underwear & put it on the counter so I don't have to traipse through the house nekkid??  (Note: This is 10ish feet)

Me: Okay. Y'know, I'm just as nekkid. Do you think TB is supposed to be LESS traumatized by THAT if he see it?? (Note: Maybe we should just shut the damn door)

TWH: Maybe.

Me: How do you figure?? At least you two have the SAME parts.

TWH: I know I  would rather see a nekkid Woman who isn't my Mother than a nekkid Man.
          And if I had to choose whether to see my Mom nekkid or my Dad nekkid, I'd rather go BLIND.

I think he hit upon a Universal Truth with that one.