TB Is a Colossal Smartass

Okay, so. I may (or may not) have said before that my general approach to child rearing is "Raising My Kids With Love & Sarcasm".  My children, obviously, have learned their lessons well.
Take for example THIS conversation I had in the car earlier. Part of it was me on the phone with TWH. Part of it was TB, who was in the car with me.
*Phone rings*
Me: Hey Baby!!  Are you almost home??
(TWH has been away on business for a few days)
TWH: Leaving the airport now. What're you doing??
Me: Just dropped off the Dawgs at the groomers for the weekend. You're coming home to a Dawg-free house.
TB: So what?? You're leaving too??
Me: What the hell?? No. You. Didn't!! (To TWH on phone) Your son just called me a DOG!!
TB: No I didn't!! I... Uh... Just meant... I Love You?? (As he leans over to try to hug my arm)
Me: Get. Off. Me.
TWH: Let me let you go. You and TB obviously have some things to discuss.
Me: You just don't want to be a witness.
TWH: And THAT

Yeah. Remember a couple of weeks ago when I posted all gushy-like about my Little Boy growing up and becoming a Young Man??

Forget that.

He's a Cretin.

My Son Is About To Be A Teenager. His Days Are Numbered

Okay, so. My son (TB) is about to be a teenager. I'm finding that the closer he gets to being a teenager, the less cute I find him. Don't get me wrong, I still adore him all day every day. He is my youngest child and the only one living with me. He's just getting to be a bigger pain in the ass than he was when he was three. Take personal hygiene for example. I stuck my head in his room to tell him he needed to get a shower. Here's about how that conversation went.
Me: Hey, when you get done making your bed, you need to get a shower
TB: What!?!?!  Why!?!?!  I barely did anything anything today!!
This, sadly, is true.  His Dad and I were outside working while he stayed in his room playing a video game he picked up yesterday. I'm not complaining. He typically does chores with the minimal whining, he's an Honor Roll student, and he busts his ass on the soccer field. He deserves a lazy day every now and again. The Shower Argument, however, is NIGHTLY. As in Every. Fucking. Night. It's not like this is a surprise. I expect him to get in the shower and wash his ass every night no matter WHAT he did all day. I'm funny that way. Go figure.  After I took a breath and closed my eyes, I responded with the only thing I KNEW would make him quit arguing.  My response is as follows:
Me: Son, YOU CAN SMELL LIKE ASS WHETHER YOU DID ANYTHING OR NOT!!  Yep, I told my kid he smelled like ass. What can I say??  I have no filter...