The Prim & Improper Queens Make Their Debut!!

Okay, so. I am a member of The Sweet Potato Queens. Our Chapter name is the Prim & Improper Queens. Prim, because my Wife-in-Law Amy will walk riiiiiiiight up to the line, put her big toe over it, and be all "Woo-Hoo!!" like she walked on the wild side. Improper, because, well, I'm there. I run full tilt at EVERYTHING and then I'm all "There was a line there?? I'll be damned!! Where??".
It all started with a book I found on my Moms coffee table 15 years ago. It was titled "The Sweet Potato Queens Book of Love" by Jill Connor Browne. I'll encourage you NOW to beg, borrow, download, or (just this once) steal this book if you have to. It's a total life-changer. The premise of the entire book (and movement) is that you don't have to have someone TELL you you're FABULOUS. If no one tells you, go out, buy your own damn crown, and BE Fabulous. Don't wait for a "Special" day to be fabulous. Hell, the day you feel like the biggest piece of shit is the BEST day to wear whatever makes YOU feel FABULOUS.  The best place to find the books is here.
Anyway, the weekend includes a Luncheon on Friday and a Ball on Friday night, we march in a Parade on Saturday, and have a Breakfast on Sunday. There are a ton of activities in between. This weekend isn't relaxing. Not by a long shot. It's not exactly work either. It's busy as hell though.
Here are some Highlights from the weekend:

Friday:

The Big Hat Luncheon on Friday.

That's me on the left, Amy in the middle, and my friend Erica on the right. The apron is one I ordered off The Bloggess' website & had some ribbon added to. It's Juanita the Weasel screaming "This Motherfucking Souffle is RUINED!!" Yep, I thought it added class.

Us at the Big Hair Ball/Street Dance with JCB

We stayed for the WHOLE street dance. We were interviewed by the news, I got to sing with the band, The Bouffants, we got our pictures taken A LOT, and I danced so much, I came back with a blister.

Saturday:

The Blister From Hell didn't stop me from getting up early the next morning to head down to a book signing with Jill Connor Browne. 

Amy & Erica. I guess we didn't actually get one WITH the author. Because THAT would make sense!!

I'm kinda glad I wasn't in this picture. The professional photographer, Duane, took some but I didn't order any. Honestly, after all the eyelashes & fake hair, I looked kinda plain. Also I'd been tanning like it was my JOB before the Parade & I looked like I shoulda stopped WEEKS ago.

Erica & I with Lance Romance aka Wilson Wong.

Parade time FINALLY came. We dressed up in our "Steak & a BJ" outfits & got ready to roll.  the plates have a picture of a steak on them with "March 14th. Happy Men's Valentines Day!!" written on them.  

That's SPQ weekend in a nutshell. We show up in Jackson, Mississippi every year for one weekend in March. We dress up and we PLAY. We play hard. We form friendships with women from all over the country. We are FABULOUS. Just because we said so. If you feel so inclined, you're more than welcome to come play with us next year. Or just grab some girlfriends & make your own chapter. You won't regret it.

I'm About to Make My Mom Proud

Okay, so.  Every year, me,  my girlfriends & my Wife-in-Law (she's married to my ex) load up to take ourselves to Jackson, Mississippi for a weekend to be a part of the World Famous Sweet Potato Queens Zippity Doo Dah (formerly the St. Paddy's Day) Parade. This is a weekend where we don costumes, wigs, LOADS of sparkly jewelry and the biggest Tiaras we can find that we can fit into our budgets and PLAY. And we play HARD.  I have learned several things over these weekends but one of my all-time favorite things I have learned is the phrase "Eat Shit ".  I use it. A LOT. I also added AND DIE for good measure.  See, last year, I got pretty NOT sober at the ball.  I was not sober enough that I ended up doing drunken cartwheels and the splits in the hallway outside my room.  Somehow, we ended up with the photographer in tow and he took pictures of my drunk ass performing these feats.  He had them on display outside the breakfast room the next morning. I have to say, I looked WAY more awesome in my head. Kinda like those pictures on Pinterest. "This is how I think I look..."  My Mom would be so proud...   Anyways, during my drunken acrobatics, a small crowd had formed to witness my jackassery. We may have been a LITTLE loud. It may have been a LITTLE late.  So some woman opens her door and begins griping about the noise and could we keep it down because she had kids in her room who were trying to sleep.  My response went something along the lines of "Boy are YOU in the wrong hotel on the wrong weekend Sister!!"  Really, this Parade has been on the SAME weekend, in the SAME hotel FOR-EV-ER.  Okay, if I'd have been sober, I'd have (maybe) been nicer. But I wasn't so there you are.  The next day, we were on the bus coming back from some event or other when the subject of the cranky woman came up.  Turns out, she'd been a pure-d Bitch the night before but I wasn't really paying attention to the full rant.  Well, one of the ORIGINAL Wannabe Queens, Martha Jean Alford, (Whom I absolutely ADORE) was in the front of the bus. She turns around with her damn near six foot self in her Queenly shades and says "I just can't believe she was so UGLY!!  Did you tell her to just EAT SHIT ??"  "No, but we sure wish we had!!" was our response.   Fast forward to that night. I am considerably more sober than the night before. I had washed my face, brushed my teeth, & donned my sock monkey pajamas when I pause, sit on the foot of my bed, look up at my Wife-in-Law (we shared a room last year) and say "Y'know what would be funny as HELL??  We go to Bitchy McBitchypants' room, knock on her door, and when she answers say in unison "Martha Jean says to EAT SHIT!!  Goodnight!!"   My WIL said while it WOULD be funny, it might not be prudent so we just went on to bed.  She's obviously the level headed one.  We will be headed to Jackson again this March. We have more wigs & more bling. Y'all should come play. You won't regret it. And maybe, just maybe, I'll do a couple of cartwheels for ya.