I Work With a Man

Okay, so. I work with a man. it has its pitfalls. Like this, for example.

Yes. It's the new roll ON TOP of the old roll!!

I took a this picture a couple of weeks ago and Tweeted it along with the caption "I work with a man".  I fixed the roll, griped at T, then continued my day.

T is not easily taught. Of course, this is a NEW development. Maybe he's devolving or something because today it happened AGAIN. I decided to take action.

I grabbed a sharpie and wrote the following on the EMPTY roll:

Really?!? Just fucking REALLY!?!?!

How hard is it to put the NEW ROLL on the HOLDER?!?!

Stop being an asshole and perform that EXTRA STEP already!!!

Love,

ME

Yes, I really managed to fit all of that on the empty roll. There's a surprising amount of space on them.

If that doesn't work, I'm taking a page out of The Bloggess' book and investing in a shit ton of post-it's.

That'll fix his ass.

The Prim & Improper Queens Make Their Debut!!

Okay, so. I am a member of The Sweet Potato Queens. Our Chapter name is the Prim & Improper Queens. Prim, because my Wife-in-Law Amy will walk riiiiiiiight up to the line, put her big toe over it, and be all "Woo-Hoo!!" like she walked on the wild side. Improper, because, well, I'm there. I run full tilt at EVERYTHING and then I'm all "There was a line there?? I'll be damned!! Where??".
It all started with a book I found on my Moms coffee table 15 years ago. It was titled "The Sweet Potato Queens Book of Love" by Jill Connor Browne. I'll encourage you NOW to beg, borrow, download, or (just this once) steal this book if you have to. It's a total life-changer. The premise of the entire book (and movement) is that you don't have to have someone TELL you you're FABULOUS. If no one tells you, go out, buy your own damn crown, and BE Fabulous. Don't wait for a "Special" day to be fabulous. Hell, the day you feel like the biggest piece of shit is the BEST day to wear whatever makes YOU feel FABULOUS.  The best place to find the books is here.
Anyway, the weekend includes a Luncheon on Friday and a Ball on Friday night, we march in a Parade on Saturday, and have a Breakfast on Sunday. There are a ton of activities in between. This weekend isn't relaxing. Not by a long shot. It's not exactly work either. It's busy as hell though.
Here are some Highlights from the weekend:

Friday:

The Big Hat Luncheon on Friday.

That's me on the left, Amy in the middle, and my friend Erica on the right. The apron is one I ordered off The Bloggess' website & had some ribbon added to. It's Juanita the Weasel screaming "This Motherfucking Souffle is RUINED!!" Yep, I thought it added class.

Us at the Big Hair Ball/Street Dance with JCB

We stayed for the WHOLE street dance. We were interviewed by the news, I got to sing with the band, The Bouffants, we got our pictures taken A LOT, and I danced so much, I came back with a blister.

Saturday:

The Blister From Hell didn't stop me from getting up early the next morning to head down to a book signing with Jill Connor Browne. 

Amy & Erica. I guess we didn't actually get one WITH the author. Because THAT would make sense!!

I'm kinda glad I wasn't in this picture. The professional photographer, Duane, took some but I didn't order any. Honestly, after all the eyelashes & fake hair, I looked kinda plain. Also I'd been tanning like it was my JOB before the Parade & I looked like I shoulda stopped WEEKS ago.

Erica & I with Lance Romance aka Wilson Wong.

Parade time FINALLY came. We dressed up in our "Steak & a BJ" outfits & got ready to roll.  the plates have a picture of a steak on them with "March 14th. Happy Men's Valentines Day!!" written on them.  

That's SPQ weekend in a nutshell. We show up in Jackson, Mississippi every year for one weekend in March. We dress up and we PLAY. We play hard. We form friendships with women from all over the country. We are FABULOUS. Just because we said so. If you feel so inclined, you're more than welcome to come play with us next year. Or just grab some girlfriends & make your own chapter. You won't regret it.

THIS Is Why TWH & I Work

Okay, so.  Monday one of my Personal Heroes, The Bloggess finally let go of her obsession with Nathan Fillion holding twine and JOKINGLY asked for a picture of Jeri L. Ryan holding a spatula which, of course, she got. Along with fifty gajillion pictures of her Minions holding spatulas. I read this post to TWH while we were in the car. He sighed heavily and said, "Do you need to send her a picture of you holding a spatula??". I told him no, I could continue my life (albeit a diminished one) without contributing to the influx of spatula pictures.

Fast forward a few hours. TWH is making dinner & I'm reading to him from my phone AGAIN about The Bloggess getting her wish. TWH (faux) grudgingly said "Fine. HERE." and posed for THIS photo.

                                                      TWH with TB's Darth Vader spatula.

This??  This right here?? THIS is why TWH & I work.  He GETS ME.  All of me. The crazy parts. The scared parts. Even the dark & twisty parts.  I wouldn't trade him for anything.

I Gots Me ANOTHER Award!!

Okay, so. Jo over at The Bright Yellow Balloon up and gave me another award. Now I'll have TWO pins to make up & wear around to attest to my quasi-awesomeness.  You think I'm kidding. I'm totally not. Imma pin them to my Juanita the Weasel apron for the SPQ Big Hat Luncheon later this month. Look for them in the pictures. They'll be on either side of Juanita.

Anyways....   This is the Award Darlin' Jo gave me:



It originated with Ach du Lieber and it's specifically awarded to people who have under 200 followers.  200..... I can't even imagine...
Of course, every Award has RULES (except the one Jo's gonna make. It's gonna be all anti-rules) so here goes:

1: Link back to the Blogger who gave the Award to you.  Check!!
2: Give this Award to five other Bloggers.
3: Post this on your Blog & follow the rules.

That's it!!  Those are ALL the rules!! Woo Hoo!!

First, Edith MyRant.  She is a single Mom, a Derby Girl (which is cool as hell & intimidating all at once) and a fellow Mommy Blogger. What else could you want??

Second My Suitcase Full of Tricks. Ali is a sassy, funny, skinny(but I can totally forgive her for it) Mom who puts herself out there. Amazingly, she does it without swearing. I KNOW!!

Third The Jamie/Jill Big Ass Cooking Project  This girl seems to be cooking up EVERY recipe from The Sweet Potato Queens Big Ass Cookbook (And Financial Planner). How can you go wrong??  Really??

Fourth Oblong Agenda My friend Julie turned me on to her. Her tagline is "A Journal of My Life Because I Can't Remember Shit". How can you NOT read that blog??

Fifth MamaNeeds1 RefillPlease She's on the same teenage daughter funcoaster. She has a sister who's (apparently) the biggest PITA to ever live. She's a wine lover & a photographer. She has more patience than I could EVER muster.

I've gotta say, I don't follow a TON of Blogs. I have no idea what'll happen if I get any more Awards. I'm fast running out of people to pass them on to.  I'm sure I'll think of something.

Thanks again for the love Jo.  I've said this before. You ROCK!!

Jenny Lawson Made Me Ugly Cry

Okay, so. As many of you know, I religiously follow Jenny Lawson, also known as The Bloggess. This woman is Beyond Awesome.  She usually makes me cry. Tears of sheer, unadulterated Joy & Hilarity. She is the reason I have Gwenyth. She is part of the reason I even write this little blog. Today, she made me Ugly Cry.

Go to her blog, thebloggess.com, read the last two posts, "The Fight Goes On" from January 2nd and "Wow" from January 3rd. Go ahead, I'll wait...  Okay. Done??  Good.  Now this subject is near & dear to my heart. My Mother suffers from the Lying Bastard known as Depression.  She has since I was a teenager. I can tell you, this fight affects EVERYONE. I can also tell you this, EVERYONE who loves you is willing to help you fight.  EVERY. DAMN. DAY.  There IS Help. There IS Hope. There IS Love.  No matter what form your battle takes. Get HELP. Have HOPE. Believe in LOVE.  Your Better Day may seem far off but is IS there. Waiting for you to get there.

It's MY BIRFDAY!! (Also Known as Giant Metal Chicken Day)

Okay, so.  As many of you know, thanks to The Bloggess, I have been on a crusade to be the first of my friends to own a Giant Metal Chicken. I have posted many conversations on here with my husband Shawn (referred to as TWH) about my desire for a GMC and his original shocked & appalled reactions to my request then his eventual resignation to the fact that he was going to have to purchase a GMC just to SHUT ME THE HELL UP. I even did a daily Twitter countdown all this month even though it became a beating for all of us. I NEEDED me a Chicken!!  So, the big day arrived at last.  TWH kissed me awake and wished me a Happy Birthday.  I got ready for work as usual with no mention of my long-coveted Chicken. Eventually, the Crackhaid Dawg made it known that he REALLY needed to go out. TWH & TB were both "engrossed" in something on TWH's laptop so I leashed up the Dawg & opened the back door to find GWENYTH!!!!!  My Very OWN Giant Metal Chicken!!!!  She was even sporting a sign that read "Happy Birthday Mother Fxxxer".  TWH didn't want to spell it out because TB is regularly appalled by my vulgarity & makes it known on a regular basis but it was awesome all the same. After much squealing & jumping up & down with pure joy, I gave out hugs & kisses to my two awesome guys.  Turns out, Gwenyth had been hiding under the carport since last night & I hadn't even noticed!!  My powers of observation are not great. As a bonus, TWH said he got her ON SALE!!  I told him THAT was a sign from God that he was doing the right thing buying me that chicken. He said it was s sign of desperation on the part of the store owner. We're gonna have to agree to disagree on that one.  Best. Birthday. Present. EV-ER!!







Introducing Gwenyth!!  No other Giant Metal Chicken was ever so long awaited!!  TWH ROCKS!!

This is SO Happening!!

Okay, so. TWH keeps trying to get out of buying me my Giant Metal Chicken (Thank you The Bloggess for THAT idea). I finally told him tonight "You can either buy me the G.M.C. or a Puppy". TWH looked at me in absolute confusion before asking simply "WHAT??"  I told him "You heard me. Chicken or Puppy". See, my strategy here is to think of something he would find more objectionable than a Giant Metal Chicken and offer THAT as an alternative. Since TWH mentioned just yesterday that he most definitely does NOT want another Dawg, I figured that would be the way to go. TWH asked me "So, what are you gonna do if I show up with a puppy on Friday??". I responded with "Name it Edsel (The Crackhaid Dawg's actual name is Bentley) and then go buy my own damn chicken!!" I can't lose here. Poor TWH, on the other hand, is screwed!!

I Needs Me a Chicken....

So, thanks to another blogger, I am in dire need of a Giant Metal Chicken.  I will be 40 at the end of September & I have decided that's what I want more than ANYTHING IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD.  Conveniently enough, there happens to be a store that sells just such items in the Old Downtown area where I live.  I KNOW, it's totally Meant to Be.  Last night, TWH & I were sitting around talking & the subject of my Birthday Gift came up.  Actual conversation between myself & TWH:
TWH: What do you want for your birthday??
Me: A Giant Metal Chicken
TWH: No really, what do you want for your birthday??
Me: A. Giant. Metal. Chicken.  I am NOT playing around here...
TWH: (Makes face of either Disgust or Defeat) That's REALLY what you want??
Me: YES!!  I have gone downtown & looked at them. I want the one with the giant blue head & the yellow wings. I'm gonna name it Gwenyth!!  It's gonna be so freakin' awesome!!
TWH: I can't believe this....   Then what do you want for our Anniversary??
Me: They also have these Metal Winged Pigs...
TWH was so overcome with my Vision for our backyard & the sheer awesomeness of it that he had to leave the room...

I am SO getting me a Chicken!!