The Return of the Octogenarian Athlete

Okay, so. Right before Christmas, I encountered the Octogenarian Athlete. It was a horrible, eye searing event that left me speechless.
Today I saw him AGAIN!!  His love of spandex is still abundant. Every time I see/talk about him all I can see is Eddie Murphy in The Nutty Professor when he first becomes thin and he's out shopping and yelling "Spandex!!  ALL SPANDEX!!"
What absolutely did me in was he was standing next to a table talking to a girl.
Who was seated.
At eye level with his "Package" as it was presented snugged in all it's spandexy glory.
He does NOT wear underwear.
He was gently rocking back & forth.
A benign pelvic thrust, if you will.
Not blatantly obvious. Just slightly disturbing.
Especially if you're sitting eye level with it.
The girl he was talking to was doing her full-on best to look him in the eye and JUST IN THE EYE.
I, however, could only look at the floor, the ceiling, ANYWHERE but at the O.A.
I obviously do not have the massive self control this young lady displayed.
I fall more along the lines of Austin Powers. "Moley, moley, moley!!"
I'm okay with that.
Of course, I don't have some strange guy standing around with his dick in my face.

The Octogenarian Athlete

Okay, so.  Yesterday while TWH & I were in Starcrack's, we encountered the Octogenarian Athlete.  He passed by us as we waited for our coffees. I caught sight of him out of the corner of my eye and commented to TWH "Man, that's a LOT of spandex".  We got our coffees and were preparing to leave when it happened. I got a full frontal of the O.A.  Now, he wasn't wearing JUST spandex. He was wearing spandex that HAD to be at least two sizes TOO SMALL.  I was rendered speechless. SPEECHLESS!!  Me: *squeak*    TWH: Go baby. He's holding to door for us.  Me: *squeak*  TWH:  I know.  We get in the car and I look at TWH and exclaim: Oh my GAWD!!!  I can't un-see THAT!!!  That was MY Nightmare Before Christmas!!  So, in honor of the awfulness of it all, I have decided to write the O.A. a letter...

Dear Octogenarian Athlete,

While I applaud your obvious commitment to exercise and health, I can NOT overlook the fact that you obviously picked up your Granddaughter's spandex tights this morning as you were dressing for your day.  The image of your junk as you were (Bafflingly) willing to present it to the world snugged in spandex in fine detail.  I should never be able to determine if you, or any other male for that matter, are a "Grow-er" or a "Show-er" when you are fully dressed. Please, PLEASE for the love of all that is Good and Holy invest in a pair of shorts!! That way others can be spared the pain of having the image of your genitals seared into their brains the way they are into mine. Do it for the children, if nothing else.

Kisses,
Gin