Okay, so. Yesterday while TWH & I were in Starcrack's, we encountered the Octogenarian Athlete. He passed by us as we waited for our coffees. I caught sight of him out of the corner of my eye and commented to TWH "Man, that's a LOT of spandex". We got our coffees and were preparing to leave when it happened. I got a full frontal of the O.A. Now, he wasn't wearing JUST spandex. He was wearing spandex that HAD to be at least two sizes TOO SMALL. I was rendered speechless. SPEECHLESS!! Me: *squeak* TWH: Go baby. He's holding to door for us. Me: *squeak* TWH: I know. We get in the car and I look at TWH and exclaim: Oh my GAWD!!! I can't un-see THAT!!! That was MY Nightmare Before Christmas!! So, in honor of the awfulness of it all, I have decided to write the O.A. a letter...
Dear Octogenarian Athlete,
While I applaud your obvious commitment to exercise and health, I can NOT overlook the fact that you obviously picked up your Granddaughter's spandex tights this morning as you were dressing for your day. The image of your junk as you were (Bafflingly) willing to present it to the world snugged in spandex in fine detail. I should never be able to determine if you, or any other male for that matter, are a "Grow-er" or a "Show-er" when you are fully dressed. Please, PLEASE for the love of all that is Good and Holy invest in a pair of shorts!! That way others can be spared the pain of having the image of your genitals seared into their brains the way they are into mine. Do it for the children, if nothing else.