Wednesday, April 25, 2012

The Return of the Octogenarian Athlete

Okay, so. Right before Christmas, I encountered the Octogenarian Athlete. It was a horrible, eye searing event that left me speechless.
Today I saw him AGAIN!!  His love of spandex is still abundant. Every time I see/talk about him all I can see is Eddie Murphy in The Nutty Professor when he first becomes thin and he's out shopping and yelling "Spandex!!  ALL SPANDEX!!"
What absolutely did me in was he was standing next to a table talking to a girl.
Who was seated.
At eye level with his "Package" as it was presented snugged in all it's spandexy glory.
He does NOT wear underwear.
He was gently rocking back & forth.
A benign pelvic thrust, if you will.
Not blatantly obvious. Just slightly disturbing.
Especially if you're sitting eye level with it.
The girl he was talking to was doing her full-on best to look him in the eye and JUST IN THE EYE.
I, however, could only look at the floor, the ceiling, ANYWHERE but at the O.A.
I obviously do not have the massive self control this young lady displayed.
I fall more along the lines of Austin Powers. "Moley, moley, moley!!"
I'm okay with that.
Of course, I don't have some strange guy standing around with his dick in my face.


  1. DISSSSSGUSTING!!! My creepy neighbor goes out shirtless, 1970's tennis short shorts and 1970's striped tube socks!!! With his Ben Franklin mullet goin' on and he thinks he's IT! He's it alright.. I just haven't figured out what "it" is aside from an excellent diet plan because anyone who looks at him vomits and/or loses his appetite! Leave the hotness to the hotties!!!

    1. Oh Lawd!! At least the drunks in my 'hood wear clothes!!

  2. I used to have a professor who would bike to class and then lecture in his spandex bike shorts. He was incredibly smart when it came to his content and probably a good thing he talked so much we could barely look up as we furiously scribbled our notes.

    1. I'd have failed that class for sure!! I admire your ability to focus!!

  3. Oemmgeeeee! This is too hilarious. New follower, here. I have seen this happen and HAD IT HAPPEN to me. I actually said to the person - I feel that something sexual is happening to me against my will right now. I need you to either move your p 'is for package on this page right now but I used another word' out of my visual and oral area. I'm being violated.

    The man in question laughed it off and shifted his human slingshot attired self substantially to the right.

    Who does that? I felt like calling a crisis hotline.

    1. Oh Elizabeth!! Thanks for stopping by!! Kudos to you for asking your spandex clad horror show to "Move it along" so to speak.

      I feel violated every time I see the guy.

  4. Oh my goodness? Are you sure this is in Louisiana? Cause we have one in DC that stands on the street corner EVERY DAY and dances. It's really pretty sickening.

    1. Maybe they're some kinda creepy, stomach turning cult or something...


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