Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Dear Asshole

Okay, so. I work in the Public Service Industry. I cut hair in a small, 2 person shop. Our main clientele are Law Enforcement & Military.  I learned to cut hair on a Marine Corps base so obviously, these kind of haircuts are right up my alley.
Occasionally, we'll get someone in who is, well, a Complete Asshole. You know the type. Someone who, for whatever reason, has deemed themselves "above" just about everyone else. They're overly educated. They have money. They're really, really good looking (and have yet to discover there's more to life than being that). Whatever. They're a jerk of the highest order.
We have one such client. He's an officer in the military. He walks in, grabs a bunch of magazines (or half the paper, whether there's a full shop or not) sits in the chair and makes it abundantly clear that he is in no way, shape, or form going to hold a conversation with you.
The following is my letter to this guy and ALL of his ilk.

Dear Colossal Asshole,

 While we appreciate your business and whatever business you've sent our way over the years, you do not have to be such a Total Dick.
  I can assure you that neither T or I are under-educated morons who cut hair simply because we were too lazy or stupid to find other means of employment.
  As a matter of fact, I am relatively certain that if you ever bothered to actually TALK to one of us instead of suffering what you perceive to be our blatant stupidity in silence, you might find out that we both have higher than average IQ's and can talk about a wide range of subjects.
  I am truly sorry you have to suffer the Human Race daily and that it's such an obvious burden. I am acutely aware of the jackassery and dumbfuckery that people commit daily.
  I am a barber.
  I have to see Fuckwads like you.
  Unlike you, I choose not to let the bastards get me down.
  Perhaps you could start slowly. Be nice to the people who do shit for you.
  It may change your life.

OR keep being an Asshole.

Your choice.



  1. Always a good idea to be pleasant to the people who provide service to you.
    He truly is missing out by not getting to know you - Feel sorry for him - he must be very lonely.
    OK, that was a nice thought, but the truth is - I can't stand arrogant people.

  2. Great letter, and how satisfying it would be to give it to him. But...

    1. I'd never in a million years actually GIVE this to him. However, it's fun to rant.

  3. Awesome..when I was waitressing, I could have wrote about 100 of these letters a week..people suck sometimes, especially assholes

  4. Not as fun as the "regulars" you get that make your day. Though I must admit sometimes I'm the one who just doens't have the energy to make conversation....and just need some quiet....maybe he's exhausted.

    1. Sadly, no. He really is just a Jerk. We actually ended up having this discussion at work a few days after this post. T said he thinks he's a Jerk too and T almost NEVER says crap like that.

  5. Omg.. My sis went thru the same thing.. She was a salon owner, stylist and instructor, plus she conducted the hair shows in Vegas.. Let me just state.. Hair stylists know their shit and you're right, they know about A LOT of shit! They're def. NOT dumbasses. Anyone can pick up a gun and shoot it. Not everyone can pick up a pair of scissors or some clippers and do an awesome cut! My sis' salon was also in a military town.. Ugh and she put up with so much shit from the officers WIVES.. Her famous saying, "This is a pair of scissors, not a magic wand!"

    I feel your pain.. The customer may not always be right but he or she is always the customer..


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