The Convicts Got My Digits

Okay, so.  A month or so ago, I answered my cell without looking at the Caller ID.  I was greeted with "Hello, this is the East Baton Rouge Parish Prison with a call from (mumbled name). Press 1 to Accept, 2 to Decline, and 3 to Block". I went with option 4 which was Freak the Hell Out and Hang Up.

Yesterday and today, my cell phone rang several times with some random 800 number. This afternoon,  I finally answer (with the intention of giving whatever telemarketer was on the other end a dog-cussing) when to my disbelief, I hear "Hello, this is Blah Blah Detention Center.."  Needless to say, I went with the "Block" option.

I promptly text TWH with "OMG!! That 800 number was ANOTHER prisoner from ANOTHER prison!!"
TWH responded with "You got prisoners with your digits...  It may be some guy in the slammer that says 'For a good time call..."
:D
"You are popular!!!
:D

I responded with "Ummmmmm... Yay??"
"I guess if a Good Time constitutes listening to me Cuss them up one side and down the other for calling me then they got the right number..."

TWH said my fans would be disappointed. I told him I'd pencil in some time to cry about it later.

If this keeps up, I'm gonna be sending A LOT of complaint forms to A LOT of prisons.

Or block half the population of some Cell Block....

Rainstorms & Rainbows

Okay, so.  Yesterday, TWH & I spent the ENTIRE DAY on the sofa watching stuff on Netflix & not doing Jack Shit.  We're recovering from basically the whole month of June where we didn't spend even one weekend at home in our own bed.  We were being lazy slackasses & enjoyed every damn minute of it.

Anyway, at one point during the afternoon, it clouded up outside for our daily thunderstorm & the house got all gloomy. Now, we didn't have any lights on & since we weren't doing Jack Shit, there were going to be no lights turned on as that would require actual effort.  I made some inane comment along othe lines of "Here comes our daily rain". TWH looks at me and says "I can barely see you there on the other end of the sofa. Where'd you go??"  I lifted up my shirt to show him my boobs and asked "Can you see me now??"(because I'm all classy like that) to which TWH responded "Oh look!! A rainbow!!".  I laughed & told him if I ever broke down & got a tattoo it'd be a rainbow across my boobs.  Hell, maybe I'd get one over each boob. Then I'd have a DOUBLE rainbow!!

Oooooohhhhhh...  A Double Rainbow....

TWH wasn't on board with that so much.

Running Shorts, How I Loathe Thee

Okay, so.  I have come to hate, hate, HATE the running shorts as a style thing.

If you ARE NOT RUNNING, then WHY are you wearing RUNNING SHORTS??

If it's obvious that you DO NOT RUN, then WHY are you wearing RUNNING SHORTS??

They look stupid with your flip flops.

They look stupid with your Sperrys

They look stupid with (hand to God, I HAVE seen this) your Uggs.

Then again, Uggs make EVERYTHING look stupid.

Just go get a pair of REAL, non-elastic waistbanded, button & zipper shorts already.

Quit looking like a jackass.

Thank you,

MBM

Dear Asshole

Okay, so. I work in the Public Service Industry. I cut hair in a small, 2 person shop. Our main clientele are Law Enforcement & Military.  I learned to cut hair on a Marine Corps base so obviously, these kind of haircuts are right up my alley.
Occasionally, we'll get someone in who is, well, a Complete Asshole. You know the type. Someone who, for whatever reason, has deemed themselves "above" just about everyone else. They're overly educated. They have money. They're really, really good looking (and have yet to discover there's more to life than being that). Whatever. They're a jerk of the highest order.
We have one such client. He's an officer in the military. He walks in, grabs a bunch of magazines (or half the paper, whether there's a full shop or not) sits in the chair and makes it abundantly clear that he is in no way, shape, or form going to hold a conversation with you.
The following is my letter to this guy and ALL of his ilk.

Dear Colossal Asshole,

 While we appreciate your business and whatever business you've sent our way over the years, you do not have to be such a Total Dick.
  I can assure you that neither T or I are under-educated morons who cut hair simply because we were too lazy or stupid to find other means of employment.
  As a matter of fact, I am relatively certain that if you ever bothered to actually TALK to one of us instead of suffering what you perceive to be our blatant stupidity in silence, you might find out that we both have higher than average IQ's and can talk about a wide range of subjects.
  I am truly sorry you have to suffer the Human Race daily and that it's such an obvious burden. I am acutely aware of the jackassery and dumbfuckery that people commit daily.
  I am a barber.
  I have to see Fuckwads like you.
  Unlike you, I choose not to let the bastards get me down.
  Perhaps you could start slowly. Be nice to the people who do shit for you.
  It may change your life.

OR keep being an Asshole.

Your choice.

Sincerely,
Me
 

WTF Wednesday (A Rant)

Okay, so.  I've mentioned before that I live in South Louisiana.  Recently, (as in the last year or so) we've had some major interstate construction going on.  As the construction has continued, the accidents have gotten worse. They are now happening at 1-2 times a week. Always during rush hour (morning & evening). They almost always involve 18 wheelers. They almost always shut down the ENTIRE interstate. It's a fucking nightmare.
A few weeks ago, my friend Missy commented on FB about how big a pain in the ass these accidents & their frequency were becoming. I commented that these 18 wheeler drivers had to pass a test so presumably they were literate & therefore able to read the big, flashing signs warning them that lane shifts and lower speed zones were ahead and act accordingly.
I was SO wrong.
Fun fact: The driving test can and will be administered to you in ANY LANGUAGE YOU REQUEST. I find this somewhat mind boggling because if you can't speak or read English, how in the HELL are you going to read a sign telling you important shit like Slow. The. Fuck. Down??  Seriously?!?!  These guys are driving big assed trucks that weigh TONS upon TONS, yakking on their cell phones, whizzing down the interstate, and very possibly cant speak or read  English. What kind of Dumbfuckery is THAT!?!!?
Way to go DMV. Another win for you guys!!
W.T.F??