Things I Should NOT Have to Say.

Okay, so.  Things I should NOT have to say.

To The Crackhaid Dawg: No, I am NOT scratching your ass.

To The Little Dawg: Dammit, stop biting me on my ass.

To TB: I put "Do Laundry" on today's chore list like you asked me to.

I love TB and the Dawgs, but really... Enough already.

I'm considering hiding in my closet with a pie and some vodka.

Except I'm on a diet because I'm at Full-Term Pregnancy weight AND I'M NOT PREGNANT.

And neither of those things is on my diet.

Somehow hiding in the closet with a six pack of sugar free Jell-o and a bottle of water doesn't have the same comforting ring to it.

Le SIGH....

Warning....I May Bite

Okay, so. In my last post, I talked about how I had to do something with myself because I was bordering on Colossal Fatass-dom and my Emergency Fat Pants (usually reserved for Holiday meals) have become part of my regular wardrobe. Well, I started paying attention to what went in my mouth & how MUCH went in my mouth and trying to work in a couple of miles walking/running a day. I have learned a few things due to my new fitness regimen. 1) The Crackhaid Dawg HATES when I walk him by myself. The first mile of my exercise regimen is walking the Dawg. He could use the exercise too. Now, when TWH is with us, we go along at the DAWG'S pace. When it's just the Dawg & me, I set the pace. I'm walking and I happen to have the Dawg with me. By the last leg of our mile, he is pissy because I won't let him stop to sniff every damn thing or pee on every mailbox.  2) Me running is NOT pretty. I am not fast. I am not consistent. I do not have good form. I sort of shamble along until I get tired. I have the feeling I look like Sasquatch on tranquilizers would look. Just less hairy. Now, considering I have, at one point or another, damaged my knees (by trying to play various sports) and I have 100 year old knees on a 40 year old body, I am happy with the fact that I can even SHAMBLE and will make peace with my Sasquatchy-ness.  3) Things start to hurt after a few days. In this case it's my upper legs and my ASS. I have no idea what muscle group I am over working by running/walking but my ass is sore and it kinda hurts to get up and walk after I've been sitting for any amount of time. I'm sure this too, will pass.  4) I'm fucking HUNGRY!!  All. The. Damn. Time. I'm assuming this is a good thing and means my ass will soon be smaller and that I will be able to once again button my "Everyday" jeans instead of just doing up my belt with the button undone under it. However, my level of Hungry is directly proportional to my level of Bitchy. The Hungrier I get, the Bitchier I get. If you cross my path and I happen to bite you, don't take it personally. You probably didn't REALLY do anything to provoke me. I'm just Bitchy. Or you walked by me with a cookie.

Well...Hell...

Okay, so. My horrible Cupcake Addiction has finally caught up to me. I need to exercise. And probably diet. But definitely exercise. My Emergency Fat Pants have become part of the everyday rotation & my former "Everyday" jeans usually have the top button undone under my belt after lunch. (Sad but true) I am bordering on the edge of Colossal Fatass-dom here. This WILL NOT do. Not to mention that, due to my repeated attempts at sports, my knees are about a hundred and this extra weight makes them kinda hurt. So, tomorrow I am gonna dust off my running shoes, load up Couch to 5K, move all my clothes off my treadmill (or Dreadmill, if you will) and make it my bitch. How many days do you think I can re-do Day 1 before the little automated voice begins to laugh at me and say things like "Really, Fatass?? Are you even gonna TRY day 2??". I suppose I'll find out...  Day 1 for a month has GOT to be better than nothing right??  RIGHT??