Don't Swear in Front of My Kid!!

Okay, so.  Thanks to Hurricane Isaac, we don't have power so I'm sitting at TWH's office typing this.  Everyone is comparing stories of how bad their lives are at the moment.  (Let me digress for a minute by saying not only do we NOT have power, I haven't had coffee in over 24 hours. So now, not ONLY did I have to take a cold shower this morning, I've barely slept, I'm uncaffeinated, and it's SHARK WEEK for me. I win mofos!! I motherfucking WIN!!)

Anyways, I'm set up in an empty cubicle at TWH's office with TB on his laptop in the next cubicle.  From over the wall, I hear some guy telling his tale of woe and he says "Fucking".  For some reason, THIS makes me cringe.  I started to stand up and give him The Death Glare while pointing to TB and saying "My KID is in this cubicle!!"  Because I'm a big ol' hypocrite. Obviously.

I've said before that I write like I talk. EXACTLY like I talk.  I can be heard at my house swearing like a sailor simply because I can't get some schmutz off a dish. Or I dropped something. Or I tripped over one of the Dawgs. Or it's a day that ends with "Y". Whatever. My point is, for some reason, I've decided it's perfectly fine for me to swear in front of my kids but for someone else to do it??
Oh. HELL. NO!!  It drives me batshit crazy.  Don't talk like that in front of my kid!!  I'M the only one that can talk like that in front of my kid!!

Inconsiderate Asshole. Watch your damn language already!!

I Can Pepper Spray People!!

Okay, so.  Today after we got back from lunch, T & I were in his truck gathering our things when suddenly, there is a guy on a bicycle giving T his looooonnnnngg sob story about why he needed money. While T is dealing with this, I text one of out cop clients. It went like this:
Me: There's some guy here panhandling.
Cop: Lol. I don't get to work til 2. Go pepper spray him.
Me: Don't give me that kind of permission.
       I'll go all crazy white girl with that shit.
Cop: I anoint you. Have fun. Lol.
Me: I'll be a fucking pepper spray ninja!!
Cop: Throw your shears at him like a ninja throwing star!!
Me: Bahahahahahahaha!!

I of course IMMEDIATELY text TWH with the good news.
Me: Cop just gave me permission to defend myself with pepper spray as I felt the need to!!
TWH: O.O
Me: I told him not to tell me that because I'd go all white girl crazy with that shit
TWH: Really??  He told you that??
ME: He said "I anoint you. Have fun." That's how I'm taking it. I now have permission from law enforcement to pepper spray people at will.
TWH: Oh Jesus...  I need to have a LONG talk with that man.
ME: You wanna be able to spray people too??

He never texted me back after that.

I'm going to the Police Supply place next Monday and buying myself a CASE of Pepper Spray. That oughta be a good start.