Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Hey, You Asked...

Okay, so.  Today I sent T what may perhaps be the strangest text he's ever received or ever WILL receive from me. It read "May be late back from lunch. Have to go have SODA washed off my car".  I actually completed this task and made it back to work before T.  I'm just starting a haircut when T strolls in, phone in hand and asks "So, how did you get soda on your Jeep??"
Here's what happened:
I'm pulling out of the parking lot after having lunch with TWH. I'm pulling out & turning right onto this 4 lane street then going through an intersection to get into the left turn lane so I can pull into the shopping center where the Starcrack lives.
The far right lane finally clears. I'm pulling out when this BMW pulls this move where he's in the left lane going WAY fast, runs right up on the stopped car at the end of the line then CHANGES LANES almost slamming into Miss Scarlett (my Jeep). We both slam on our brakes, mouth obscenities at each other, then I finish pulling out and am on my merry way.
I've gone through the intersection and am sitting in the turn lane when BMW guy pulls up next to me, STOPS IN TRAFFIC, (Not stops FOR traffic. He blocked a lane.) rolls down his window and starts YELLING at me.
Douchey Fuckwad: Blah, blah, blahdey, BLAH!?!?!

Me: (Rolls down window) WHAT!?!?

DF: I said What were you THINKING!?!

Me: I can tell you what I wasn't thinking. I wasn't thinking some Colossal Fatass who'd managed to squeeze himself into his tiny Entitlement Mobile was gonna almost kill me because he's a Dickhead who decided to treat the road like it's his own personal Autobahnn!!

In retrospect, maybe I shouldn't have called him a Fatass because he got PISSED!!

DF: Fuck you you Fucking Bitch!!
(Note: This to me just proves my point as well as shows he has both a pitiful imagination AND vocabulary)

Then DF reaches his little chubby arm out of his little sports coupe and throws his soda on my car!!  Since I think he was trying to throw it IN my car and just couldn't manage it, it kinda lost some of it's dramatic impact. (pun)

Me: HA!!  Nice arm!! You must've been a terror in bitty ball!!

Then I turned into the shopping center and continued on to the Starcrack while he continued yelling at me then began yelling at the people he was holding up who were yelling at him.

I related all this to TWH who witnessed the near miss but not the scene that followed.  His comment was "You shouldn't have rolled down the window". Because there always has to be a moral to the story.

However, the Marine that was in my chair offered a moral I like SO much better. His moral was "THAT'S why I always conceal carry".

Now I just hafta convince TWH it's a good idea for me to have a gun.

6 comments:

  1. Oh I'm so glad that the lovely Mimi recommended your blog!

    I just read through some of your posts, where you had me laughing one minute and almost crying the next. (the post about your daughter)

    Really loving this blog already. :)

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    1. Awwwwww... THANKS!! Love your blog too. Mimi sent me your way, of course!!

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  2. No, you may NOT have a gun! Let me tell you a story...do you know a few years ago here in Virginia someone threw a soda at someones vehicle and they ALMOST ended up going to prison for assault. It turns out the OTHER folks he threw the drink at came to his defense at the last minute and told the judge they thought that was too much - the punishment didn't fit the crime...anyway. You should have called the cops. He could have been in really big trouble. But still...that tongue=lashing you gave him was pretty darn creative, too.

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  3. Kathie, TWH already gave a resounding "NO" to the gun. I wasn't able to get his plates but I WAS able to give a pretty good description of him AND his car to every City Cop that walked through the doors of the barber shop the last few days. I'm sure if they see him, they'll give him a good talking-to.
    A lack of words in a pinch has never been a problem. It's a blessing... AND a curse!!

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  4. I love you - that is all!!!!!

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  5. hahaha oh my goodness. I always think of the witty things to say LONG AFTER the other car has driven off. Bravo to you for your superior processing speed. As for your hubby - plastic surgery AND a concealed weapon? You might be pushing it.

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