Okay, so. Monday I kinda had a breakdown. It was awful and tear stained and snotty and full of paralyzing agony, self pity, and self doubt.
I spewed it out all over my blog. I tried just writing it in my journal but it didn't seem enough. I started this blog last July as a lark but what began as a lark has become an outlet. A lifeline of sorts.
I put my humor and my pain here. I considered putting just the humor but that didn't seem genuine. No one is happy all the damn time. So I write it all. The good, the bad, and the ultimate fails that are my life.
I realized today that I'm on my way back. I realized it in traffic. I was calling some girl who was too busy putting on her makeup to actually drive a "Stupid Twat" and yelling how that was "An AT HOME job" when I realized that I actually cared enough to bitch. For the first time in days I cared enough about what was going on around me to form an opinion and voice it. The bone crushing apathy is lifting. It's not gone but it's packing up and getting ready to leave for awhile.
So many of you commented Monday. So many of you lifted me up. I am so grateful for that.
I'll be back to full on snark soon. Promise.
:) You're allowed..
ReplyDelete;) Glad your stabbyself is recovering.
ReplyDeletexxoo
JulieU
Well Shit - somebody ought to kick my ass - I can't believe after all the much appreciated support you are for me I go and don't read that last post until this morning!
ReplyDeleteBUT of course I have something to say: I don't know the details or do I need to know them to know that either way (turing over custody or not) you would of had bad and good days, you would of had that voice in the back of your head constantly questioning yourself on whether you did the right thing or not, you would have carried a burden - it is called being a Mom and loving someone more than yourself - one of the hardest things (even harder than being a parent) is learning to forgive yourself and it is important to do - we don't have to forget about it, we don't have to forget why we made the decisions we made but it is so important to accept the decision we made and the reasoning we used!
You are a good person - if you weren't you wouldn't be upset now!
Wow I should be a therapist! Love you!
Jent, you don't need your ass kicked & you are an incredible therapist. Love you back!!
DeleteMimi, Thank you.
JulieU, I'm getting there.