Facebook, Why Can't I Quit You??

Okay, so. Facebook is both a source of amusement and the bane of existence for me.  It satisfies my voyeuristic tendencies by giving me glimpses into peoples lives and letting me stay somewhat connected with people. It is also the bane of my existence in that, in order to see the shit I actually WANT to see, I have to wade through a ton of crap NOBODY but the person who posted it gives a rats ass about. I don't CARE that "The kids have done had their dinner & their baths and are in bed. It was a grate day. Binky BooBoo".  Yes, this is a direct quote, misspelling & all. The exception being that this person posts in all caps. My fingers just ITCH to leave this woman a bitchy comment about caps lock & the spelling mistakes I see in her shitty posts. I also don't CARE about "Just weighed in and lost 4.5 oz". Really?!?!  Just fucking REALLY!!  Good for you that you're addressing your downward slide into colossal fatassdom. A lot of us are. I myself have been letting the treadmill make me it's bitch & just last night squeezed my ass into a pair of pants that have been hanging in my closet for awhile now. I'm just not BEATING EVERYONE OVER THE HEAD WITH IT. I do not now, nor have I ever needed a play-by-play of Every. Single. Ounce that comes off your ass.  Also I don't care that you "Just completed a 3.7 mile run using (Whatever) tracker". Again, STOP!! Other things I don't give a shit about:
What you're having for dinner. I can't cook a lick. My kids asked me to stop years ago. I'm sure this is borne of jealousy. Whatever. Stop it.
Anything that ends with "FML". I had several folks in my timeline whose posts were nothing but whining about the pettiest bullshit ever known.  Get over yourselves already. Stop it.
What you've Pinned. Holy shitballs with this one!!  There are bitches on my timeline who posted everydamnthingeverdone to Facebook. Shoot me. Shoot me now. You're on Pinterest. You think you're crafty. Whoopdee Fucking Doo. Stop it.
There are a myriad of things about Facebook that drive me nuts. Having said that, I just can't quit it. Not yet anyway. I follow some damned funny people. Of course, some of the damned funny people are not trying to be funny. There's this one girl I knew in high school who is so small-town that she & her family actually packed SQUEEZE CHEESE into their carry-on luggage for a flight and she was posting all indignant like about them having to throw it all out in the airport because it was on the "NO-NO" list.  That's comedy gold!!  Yes, other peoples asshattery makes me giggle. When people stop being stupid, or at least stop posting their stupidity for everyone to see, I'll be forced to stop. Until then, I'm a total junkie!! I'm a junkie with the ability to opt out of the bullshit. I'm more than happy to do that!!