Tuesday, September 27, 2011

I Am NOT a Girly-Girl

Okay, so. Today at work, I had to have T (Troy- My Work Husband) kill a bug for me. I spotted it as it made it's way across the room and left a post-it on T's mirror that read "There is a bug by my garbage can that needs killing". He just shook his head and laughed. I told him "Hey, this is YOUR purview. I don't do bugs!!". Now, while the bug was hiding behind my garbage can, I was perfectly willing to ignore it but after a few minutes, it made a foray out and came in MY direction.  I. Lost. My. MIND.  "Aaaaahhhhh!!  Kill it, KILL it, KILL IT!!" I screamed as I ran as far as my clipper cord would let me in the other direction.  Now, a little info. I am by no means A Girly-Girl. I don't enjoy shopping endlessly, I hate to get flowers, my happy place is the home improvement store, and while I have a penchant for shoes, they are almost exclusively sneakers. I just seem to be missing the G.G. gene. This makes the fact that I get all squealy and freaked-out over creepy crawly things doubly amusing for both TWH & T.  TWH says it's because it's about the only thing I have a "Girly" reaction to.  After T killed the bug to DEATH, the older gentleman in his chair asked me "What do you do at home if there's a bug??". After some (tongue biting) hesitation I answered, "Call my husband to kill it". The hesitation came because lately, I have had to handle some bug killing on my own. It's been a harrowing experience, to say the least. I have discovered said bug and began with "OHMYGODSONOFABITCH!!" and gone looking for a shoe immediately. Once I get a shoe in hand, I chase the creepy crawler around screaming "DIE Mother Fucker!!" as I pound it into a smear on the wood/tile. I realize screaming obscenities isn't necessary but it helps me keep my nerve up. It's my battle-cry, if you will. After the bug is killed & killed GOOD, I either wipe it up with several Clorox wipes or take the carcass outside and toss it just off the porch to serve as a warning to all other would-be crawly invaders of my home. "Think twice, you multi-legged assholes. This could be YOUR fate!!" is the message. Thus far, it seems to be working. Either that, or TWH is doing A LOT of bug squashing unbeknownst to me.

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