Sunday, August 7, 2011

AND Now I Have a Limp...

Okay so. Yesterday TWH & I got into something we're BOTH allergic to and have a wonderful case of Contact Dermatitis, also known as an ugly assed rash, over our torsos, legs, & arms.  Today we dragged our behinds to the Urgent Care to get this shit looked at by a Medical Professional. We go in, fill out the forms, & are shown to an exam room. We got to go together because we have the same cooties.  In the exam room, we both perch on the table so we can answer the standard questions & have our vitals taken. Blah, blah, blah, the Doctor comes in. Now he's looking at us and trying his damnedest to listen to us breathe & take our pulses while actually touching us as little as possible. After looking us over & telling us all about his College Son Gone Wild, his Kleptomaniac Daughter, & his Belligerent Youngest Son he tells us the Nurse will be in shortly with some shots & prescriptions.  TWH & I are all "What the HELL??"  TWH declares it must be me because no one ever talks to HIM when he goes places. I respond that the Doc was looking at HIM the ENTIRE TIME he was telling his tale of woe.  We agree that those kids were just the products of their raisin' & move on. The Nurse comes in & we expose our asses to get our shots. I would like to note that we were both VERY brave even though I debated for a second screaming my lungs out for the benefit of any little children within earshot. I know, I'm not right...  After a few minutes we have a conversation that goes a little like this:
TWH: Mine's starting to burn a little...
Me: Mine too, I think that's normal.
TWH: Now mine feels like a cramp or a knot or something.
ME: So the shot has given you an ass cramp??
Me: Now, mine's doing it. I now have an Ass Cramp.
Me again: Oh SHIT!!  Remember how they asked me if I'm taking any medication?? I just remembered I'm on the last of that antibiotic from last week.  I guess I should tell them that.
TWH: It's too late now. Besides, they'll have the Doc come back in and we'll have to listen to more stories about how his kids are shits. We'll come back if your face swells up or you can't breathe or lapse into a coma or something.
Me: Oh hell NO I don't wanna hear more of that guy's stories. We'll just wait to see whether or not I have Death or Death-like symptoms.
TWH: You sound a little wound up. Maybe we can ask for tranquilizers. I don't know if I can take this shit all afternoon.
Me: Owwwwwwwww.......
TWH: Are you touching your ass & saying Ow??
Me: Yes. This is one HELL of an ass cramp!!  Why is mine worse than yours??
TWH: Beats the shit outta me.
So we are eventually discharged. There's some girl in the waiting area all leaned over on her Hubby/Boyfriend/Put Upon Male Companion crying & generally making a fuss, I assume to get seen faster. Or because Misery loves Company and she was playing Misery. Whatever.
TWH: Good Lord!!  I'm glad we got seen before SHE came in. I couldn't have put up with that shit for long!!  ME: I wonder if she thinks... OW MY FREAKING ASS!!! This just became the Ass Cramp from HELL!!
TWH: Get in the car!! Are you LIMPING??
Me: Yes, my Gigantic Ass Cramp has given me a limp!!
TWH just shook his head. I'm guessing he was marveling at my ability to work through the pain & continue on with our errands. Because I'm awesome like that.


  1. She neglected to tell everyone about when we first walked in. She starts giving her information to the intake nurse, then I indicate that I need to be seen, too. Ginger then looks at her and says, "Yeah, I was about to tell her that... and we are both here for the SAME THING!" I felt like we should have been at the free clinic because it burns when we pee....

  2. THIS is why we're married folks!! He is full of Awesome hisveryownself!!


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